GAGA...

Zach: Sara, what would Kelton be for superhero day?

Sara: Hmmm…the Black Monster!! ahaha

andrewrubi:

By: Ashley & Andrew

Well first of all i would be super broke, so naturally i would take her to the jewelry store and tell her to pick out whatever ring she wanted. Then i would punch the glass and steal the ring and we would both run out into the night. But because i had just sinned i would give the ring to a homeless person who would then thank us and run off. Then I would take whatever money I had left and take her to a concert where I had already reserved the tv screen to show the words will you marry me jasmine, but her name wouldn’t be jasmine i would be completely screwed. But luckily a girl name jasmine gladly says yes to the homeless man we gave the ring to so that would be a happy ending. Then i would go to another jewelry store and steal another ring but feel bad and give it to another homeless man. We would then proceed to a retaurant where she would eat a fortune cookie and discover and ring inside. She’ll realize its actually fake and ill tell her just kidding. BUT THEN! She would throw up her wonton soup and she would discover the ring inside one of the wontons. She says yes and we get married. The end!

Alternative Ending

by ashley

She dies after choking on the ring in her wonton but andrew marries her anyway.

andrewrubi:

Article #1: Andrew Rubi > Everyone else

Exception: If Andrew Rubi deems you worthy, you make be equivalent to his awesomeness, that is why it is OR equal too. No person however shall be higher than the status of Andrew.

Article #2: Going to the bathroom is the sign of the common folk. Never use restrooms in front of anyone, bathroom use should be spontaneous and in the comfort of his own home.

Side note: In case of emergency, be a ninja and make sure no one sees you

Article #3: Everyone MUST pay for Andrew, no questions asked, if he asks you for something, you give it to him, no matter how ridiculous.

Side note: Every leap year, Andrew will occasionally pay for an item that you are interested in. Follow this formula to see how much Andrew will actually spend on your pathetic being. (Time known + Cool Level / number of terminated pregnancies in china) Cool level is determined by Andrew and time known is in years.

Article #4: Everyone is stupid, so Andrew has no care for those who make any decision whether it be benign or malicious.

Article #5: Andrew has deemed it most offensive to wear fur in his presence, therefore, those who wish to follow the book of Andrew must refrain from wearing fur…even when not in his presence.

Article #6: Andrew has no time to shop, shopping comes to him.

Article #7: In the presence of Andrew, it is universal law for him to ride shotgun.

Exception: If there is a monkey in the vehicle, Andrew will refuse shotgun and give it to the nearest bro, however if it is Tuesday and there is a monkey in the vehicle, the chick with the most tampons in her possession will automatically be given shotgun and Andrew will gladly take left nut.

Article #8: Quote from Andrew himself: “oh I don’t give grams…I just get them”.

Exception: Those who fail to send Andrew a gram will be sentenced to one of the following; A) Being farted on, B) Forced to eat ham twice the recommendation of nutritionist, C) Automatic suspension from Andrews presence (40 mile radius)

Article #9: Tricks are for kids, therefore do not trick Andrew because he is a certified, awesome, sexy beast.

 

Article #10: Andrew never texts first and will not text back unless he deems the text worthy of a reply. NO EXCEPTIONS

Article #11: It is assumed that Andrew is perfect and so is his life, therefore he needith no help with anything. *Servitude to not be mixed up with help

Article #12: NO PERSON/ANIMAL/ALIEN WILL BE PERMITTED TO COURT ANYONE WHO IS INVOLVED WITH ANDREW (Even if the courted does not know of andrew’s intentions to court them)

Article #13: Andrew needs no permission from anyone.

Article #14: Every Tuesday will be dedicated to lions mane jelly fish.

Article #15: Save the grinding for meat.

Article #16: If pancakes are inaccessible, Andrew must be given kool aid to ease his pain.

Article #17: If a chick wishes to remain a chick, or a regular girl/woman wishes to live, they’d best keep their skirts or shorts no shorter than 1 inch above their ankle

Side note: This does not mean girls should not shave, don’t be ghetto…shave em ladies.

Article #18: Every person shall have 1 hour dedicated to quoting mean girls.

Article #19: Foul language is the only language, violence however is not at any means proper.

Exception: If annoying girls in your third period are rude and obnoxious, assassinate slightly.

Article #20: Tattoos are disgusting, Andrew will personally rip them off your body if he so much as smells the ink on your flesh.

Article #21: Every 5367 minutes, Andrew MUST be given a high five…it is the only thing that keeps him alive

Article #22: Sentence fragments are highly

Article #23: Crying is for chicks, beating the snot out ap us history is for BROS.

Article #24: If you must, you may be loud and obnoxious just as long as it is about Andrew and is positive.

Exception: If Andrew tells you to shut up, thank him and go on your merry way.

 

 

Article #25: Andrew may use any derogatory term he wishes.

Exception: Ordinance 459 treaty of Narnia sub section theta requires all awesome peoples’ to refrain from such language from January 1 – January 3 on every even numbered year besides the years containing the numbers 8 and 10.

Article #26: On Halloween, everyone must either dress as a fetus or a slut.

Article #27: There must be an obama poster everywhere Andrew goes.

Side note: If there is no obama poster, immediately run in a circle and plant a carrot seed in the nearest pumpkin patch.

Article #28: Andrew has deemed Bro’s worthy of solving every problem with yelling, screaming, and hard core violence.

Exception: Article #19 may be void if people are being ghetto.

Article #29: Always compliment what Andrew is wearing.

Article #30: Hoop earrings are Andrew’s thing; no one can wear them except for him.

Exception: Regina George may wear hoop earrings.

Article #31: MOUSTACHE’s are sexy…on Andrew.

Exception: Julie Dao may have a moustache if she please.

Article #32: Chicks must remember when Andrew’s birthday is, he prefers bro’s do as well but will not be punished if they do not remember.

Article #33: If Andrew looks your way and it is Wednesday, you are automatically pregnant.

Exception: Andrew may call upon Hermione to reverse the pregnancy

Article #34: Butterflies may be mated 3 days before Christmas and before Andrew’s birthday.

Article #35: Chivalry is dead, chicks get your own fu___ing sh__ and door!

Article #36: Andrew does not care for differences of the use of “well” and “good”. It is permitted to say such things as “I am so well at baking cookies on Tuesday!”

Article #37: Booty’s do not have ears, therefore you may not call booty’s in a radius of 10000 miles of Andrew.

Article #38: Andrew is beautiful, bro’s are sexy and fine, chicks are…well, just get me a damn sandwich.

Article #39: Chicks may not bitch and moan no matter how bad they are PMS-ing, get the fk over it.

Article #40: You may only speak to Andrew if he deems you worthy

Article #41: Chuck Norris is always right.

Article #42: Every Wednesday, bro’s must come to Andrew’s for food and fun.

Article #43: If Andrew is trying to contact, you better effing answer within .3 seconds.

Article #44: Bro’s shall treat chicks with respect on the dance floor, it is a universal truth.

Exception: They don’t comeback with a gosh damn sandwhich

Article #45: Andrew must approve of all relationships.

Article #46: A Chick must make a sandwich for Andrew and whoever he tells them to make it for.

Article #47: Andrew wins, even he loses, he wins.

Article #48: In a relationship, chicks and bros talk things out over a hot sandwich provided by the chick.

Article #49: One must never become a TA for creepy hairy teachers, that’s just sick.

Article #50: Toilet seats must always be up.

Article #51: Throwing up is a sign of religious values.

Article #52: Promises are made to be broke, secrets are made to be told, Andrew knows all, that’s why his hair is so big.

Article #53: chick chick chick, never capitalize the c.

Article #54: Studies have actually shown that Andrew loves sushi, so in essence, his awesomeness is far superior to the average chick.

Article #55: Sara must be in the presence of at least 1 black persons.

Article #56: Whenever a bro see’s an ex girlfriend of his or another bro, he must throw cinderblocks at her head.

Article #57: A bro must always sing along to the opening song to lion king and single ladies by beyonce.

Article #58: Andrew’s is also Ceyonce, Sasha Fierces’ alter ego.

Article #59: Andrew need not compete with others, because he always wins. See article…whatever that one was.

Article #60: Bro’s should never question their superiority to chicks, but must do so when comparing ones self to Andrew

Article #61: Andrew created mean girls, therefore chicks must ask permission to be praised for quoting it.

 

Article #62: White lies are deemed necessary to preserve the nature of the Himalayan jack rabbit.

Article #63: Bro’s are down for the set, no problems for us!

Article #64: Sexting is just plain weird. Keep your organs to yourself please.

Article #65: SPOIL ALL MOVIES for chicks.

Article #66: Andrew loves penguins, so white gummy smoothies with a protein boost shall be given to him every Monday.

Article #67: One must never say the word article in a code filled with articles. See article #68

Article #68: Only Andrew may use the word article in a code filled with articles.

Article #69: Scary movies are the preferred movie choice for Andrew.

Article #70: Sexually based jokes are highly accepted in society, therefore one should always refer to sex when making a comment or joke.

Article #71: One who believes article 70 is an actual article must be assassinated on the spot.

Article #72: Everyone must take a pregnancy test until it is positive.

Article #73: chicks have hands, don’t open their door, chivalry is dead.

Article #74: Pick up lines are hot!

Exception: Fetus ones especially.

Article #75: A Chick does not smoke because they’re actually snorting instead.

Article #76: Copying is only okay in times of war.

Article #77: The first word children must say/learn is Andrew. Failing to do so will be automatic banishment to another galaxy.

Article #78: A bro must do things obnoxiously.

Article #79: Heels are okay…on zebras.

Article #80: Cake face = hot!

Article #81: A bro must abide by these words: “For every heart, there is bacon”

Article #82: EVERYONE MUST LOVE HARRY POTTER OVER TWILIGHT

Article #83: Rachel Reyes is a lesbian, do not invite her to your pool party.

Article #84: Facetious

Article #85: A bro should never leave his home without his…THUG LIFE we don’t needa carry shiz to survive.

Article #86: One must never refer to a woman as a homewrecker

Exception: Julie.

Article #87: Andrew created the word “incompetent”

Article #88: Always ride with strangers.

Article #89: Zach, Kevin Tran, Hector, and Andrew must be worshipped during ASB events/class.

Article #90: Chola eyebrows are allowed.

Article #91: Pranks to be used by Andrew and bro’s.

Article #92: Always lie about Article #93

Article #93: Get over your hair chicks, guys like you for who you are, you expect too much, not every guy is a douche.

Article #94: Bro’s are forever, we forgive and forget!

Exception: Unless they commit a very douche bag move, Andrew will determine this.

Article #95: On every full moon, bro’s MUST stop what they are doing and all meet up and watch it together.

Article #96: Leggings are and accepted form of pants.

Article #97: Andrew Rubi is always right.

Article #98: Eyebrows must be shaved every 492 days.

Article #99: chick’s must admit the bro’s that they are superior every 49 hours.

Article #100: Girls night out? Alright, movies, gossiping, and BROTASTIC FUN ALL THE WAY! WE’RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Article #101: Tracey Ngyuen must be leashed at ALL TIMES. chicks don’t act like you don’t agree.

Article #102: A chick should always be appreciative of what bro’s give them, what happened to “it’s the thought that counts.”

Article #103: Andrew Can choose to follow these articles if he pleases. If he does not, he is given automatic amnesty and the rule which as been broke will never be mentioned again.